Today PTI Othman would be demonstrating to the junior midshipmen the proper technique of doing a bottle dive. His lesson objective was simple: teach these bratty college-kid officers to jump off a diving platform and into a swimming pool without killing themselves.
But of course, he wasn't gonna do it himself, so he demanded that a volunteer from the group step forward. All 42 junior midshipmen shuffled anxiously from one bare foot to the other. Tiles around the swimming pool were scorching their feet.
"Aku nak jantan sorang volunteer!" Othman yelled. "Cepat!"
Everyone looked at the intimidating diving platform two storeys above them. Nobody wanted to know what the view would be like from up there. Especially if it involved taking the quick route back down.
"Cepaaaat!!" Othman prodded.
"PTI," someone finally stepped forward with enough fake confidence to make Othman grin menacingly. No points for guessing who that someone was.
"Ha, macha!" said Othman. "Kau naik atas tu."
Mike made his way up the stairs to the diving platform. His knees began to feel like jelly. His heart pounded like crazy. Everyone else breathed a sigh of relief.
"It's ok," Mike convinced himself. "It's all in my head... I'm a hero... This is nothing la Mike..."
His squad looked like ants from up there. Othman joined him on the platform and began to yell instructions so everyone, including those on the ground, could hear him loud and clear.
When you dive, you're supposed to cross your feet and point them straight downward, so your whole body slides through the water surface as smoothly as possible. Mike knew that. He had studied it in Fluid Dynamics already.
Most people when diving make the mistake of looking down at the water. This might cause them to tip forward in mid-air, sending them plunging head first. You're supposed to keep your shoulders back and your chin level. Mike knew that. He had studied it in Solid Mechanics already.
You're supposed to pinch your nose with your right hand as you dive because the sudden rush of water into your nasal cavity is likely to create the illusion of drowning, even when you actually aren't. Mike knew that. He had watched a Discovery Channel feature on it already.
He was all psyched to take the step forward across the edge of the platform. The water would be there to cushion his fall with open arms, he told himself. He took a deep comforting breath, even though it felt as if his heart was pounding in his throat. Just before he could shift his weight forward,
"Hoi, macha!" yelled Othman, pointing between Mike's legs. "Pegang pelir kau tu! Penting!!"
All of us on the ground roared in laughter.
Mike didn't know that, of course - it was common sense.
