The Fishing Trip

Mike hated Phang Kai Seng. But he sure loved hiking.

Whenever Mike went hiking in a group, he wouldn't enjoy himself unless he was the one leading the way. Or at least up front keeping pace with the guy who knew the way. So here he was, walking silently next to Kai Seng, while Jega and Vijay followed, chatting animatedly with each other.

Calling Kai Seng a kampung boy is an understatement. His family ran a dragon fruit farm in the rural south of Kedah, where he grew up embracing the rainforest. Or rather, he let the rainforest embrace him.

While Mike spent most of his teenage years playing Daytona USA in the top floor arcade of Kompleks Kotaraya, Kai Seng was hunting for biawak to barbecue. He knew exactly which shrubs were edible and which lakes had the biggest fish.

In fact, Kai Seng opened a Facebook page just to show off the conquests of his latest fishing trips. One photo had him holding up a monster-sized tilapia up to the camera, its lifeless eyes gazing into the lens. Of course, Kai Seng tagged Mike as the fish in the photo. 

Mike and I wondered who the hell followed him on his escapades to snap the photos. The guy was practically a sociopath loner.

This was the first time Mike had followed Kai Seng on a saltwater fishing trip and already he was sure this was going to be the last. Kai Seng had told them it would be less than an hour's hike over a hill to get to the beach where they would set up for the day. They had been on the move for more than an hour and they still seemed to be heading uphill.

Kai Seng promised them that it was the best fishing spot along the entire Straits of Malacca because no one else knew the place - he discovered it himself. Mike was not surprised. What did surprise him, however, was how fast he had exhausted his own water supply. Jega and Vijay were quite a distance behind, dragging their feet like an old couple.

An hour later, the four of them were still nowhere near a beach. Jega and Vijay were far back wishing they were dead (or maybe wishing Mike and Kai Seng would die). The two guys up front were both worn down in the heat, but neither of them wanted to show it because their male egos wouldn't allow it.

Just then, they came to the most beautiful little freshwater lake Mike had ever seen. Except for a huge log floating near it's centre, the water was amazingly calm and blue, almost like a giant oval mirror facing the sky. Mike couldn't resist the temptation.

He dropped his backpack, peeled off his t-shirt and kicked off his shoes. Excited like he was eight years old again, he ran towards the water and jumped in, screaming the whole way. Kai Seng stood chuckling where he was and lit up one of his Sempoerna A's.

Mike ran until the water was too deep to feel the bottom. Then he began swimming slowly, relaxing in the cool water. It would be a while before Jega and Vijay caught up, he figured. But why wasn't Kai Seng going apeshit as well?

"Hoi! Kai Seng!" Mike yelled. "Why you stan'ing there for? You kennot swim, ah?"

"Can swim..." Kai Seng exhaled a stream of smoke. "Just kennot swim fasther than krokodile lor."

Treading water, Mike turned to take another look at the floating log. It wasn't there anymore. Within 15 seconds he was back on shore. 

The White Uniform

Wilson Anak Damien Kukut was probably the best senior midshipman any navy cadet could ask for. 

Although cadets Michael Stone and Shazni Hafizi often found themselves in Wilson's hostel room singing Indonesian dangdut songs for Wilson's entertainment, they greatly respected and admired the guy. In fact, they looked forward to being summoned to Wilson's room. They would sit cross legged on the floor, listening in awe while Wilson leaned back on his bed and held court, teaching them the most interesting things - from the origins of naval traditions to the latest technology in marine warfare.

Mike will prolly never forget the first day he wore his navy whites. The night before, he was in Wilson's room learning to shine his white shoes. As if it weren't good enough that they were already pearly bright, they had to friggin' sparkle. Wilson sat as usual on his bed, overseeing his juniors sprawled across the floor vigorously rubbing wax onto their shoes.

"Esok bila engkauorang pakai putih," he began. He reached over and lowered the volume of the dangdut karaoke VCD playing on his laptop. "Orang semua akan pandang kau..."

"...Lagi-lagi cewek." Stupid boyish smirks broke out all across the room. 

Wednesday was the day the Armed Forces Reserve students would wear their respective uniforms to lectures. We navy kids would get a good ribbing for sporting our blue attire because it looked too similar to the outfit the pak guard at the campus gate wears. All that would change tomorrow.

"Kalau kau tak p'caya," Wilson said, drawing from experience. "Cuba kau naik bas pigi kelas esok. Tengokla brapa orang cewek pandang kau masa tunggu bas."

Yes.

*          *          *

7.45am the next morning, the bus stop was scattered with a variety of students waiting for the shuttle bus to the lecture halls. There were the nerdy types, the gender confused types, the religious types, the ‘glamour’ types, the… heck, you get the idea.

All of a sudden, the whole place went into a sort of slow-motion sequence as two figures in Clorox white shirt and pants made their way to the bus stop, strutting at an effortless pace of their own. It was almost a reenactment of the scene in Top Gun where the fighter pilots walk into the bar as if they owned the place and everyone in it. Except this wasn't Tom Cruise or Val Kilmer, it was Mike and Fizi.

Every other day, the two of them would speed off to class on their motorcycles. Today, they decided they would bask in the silent awe of their adoring fans.

"Waaaw, adik navy!" a squawky voice called out. "Hensemnye hari nie! Nanti dalam bas duk sebelah I, ye?"

Stunned, Mike and Fizi turned to see who it was. A dude in a baby tee and stuffed bra waved to them. His/her friend piped up.

"Shazzy, I nak yang kulit gelap tu taw... Yummy betul!"

The little groups of people who had earlier been minding their own Wednesday morning thoughts all broke out in laughter.

Fizi pulled his cap low over his face like he always did in awkward moments. Mike stared down at his sparkling white shoes.

In the corner of his eye, Mike saw a black Proton Satria drive by. In the driver's seat was Wilson smiling like a madman. He honked and sped off.

Yup, Wilson Anak Damien Kukut was the best senior midshipman a navy cadet could ask for.

The Birthday Party

Mike remembers fondly every birthday he celebrated in university.

The first year, he was ambushed, smothered with cake and then flung into a storm drain... But that's a different story.

The third year, he got a blowjob while driving down a highway at 120km/h... But that's also a different story.

The second birthday he celebrated on campus was similarly wild - for everyone except Mike, unfortunately.

The night of his birthday, he had treated all his friends to supper at the 24 hour nasi kandar restaurant opposite campus. The gathering ended outside the restaurant with the guys standing in a circle around Mike, singing Happy Birthday and then proceeding to pummel him into the asphalt road. I even contributed a Bruce Lee kick, and Mike took it like a good sport.

Late afternoon the next day, Mike ran into one of his juniors in the hostel bathroom. Vijendran Purushotaman was in his boxer shorts and staggered groggily. Eyes bloodshot and hair in a mess, there was lousy coordination between his brain and the rest of his body. All the signs of a chronic hangover.

"Dei!" Mike greeted.

Vijay's eyes widened. "Ah, senior!" He'd just recognised Mike.

"What happen to you, da?" Mike asked, although the answer was rather apparent.

"Had too much to drink yesterday, senior." Vijay said, still in dreamlike state. "Massive thanni party for Mikey's birthday..."

It took a moment before it clicked in Mike's head. "Wait a minute... I'M Mikey!"

"You buggers threw a party for my birthday and I wasn't invited?!" Mike tried to play it cool, but it was pretty obvious he felt screwed over.

"No, senior..." the stabbing pain in Vijay's head just doubled.

"We actually planned the party weeks before already," he explained. "We had the booze, we had the ice, we had the cups, and we even had the murukku... We just didn't have a reason to drink. And we couldn't drink without a reason, because that would make us alcoholics. So someone said... 'Hey, today is Mike's birthday! Lets drink to what a kickass senior he is!'... Then we all cheersed to your long life."

Vijay smiled a toothy grin. 

At that point Mike wished he knew how to do a Bruce Lee kick.