Aidilfitri season sure brings back memories for Mike.
Back in Standard 1, the desks in Mike's classroom were all arranged in columns of 3. Mike sat at the back of the class, next to Ruzaina. Beside Ruzaina was Dhevan Kumar. Due to the boy-girl-boy seating, Ruzaina was flanked by two guys whom she would proudly proclaim as her boyfriends.
"Ni dua pakwe aku," she would tell the other girls.
For all Mikey knew, pakwe prolly meant 'bapak tua', so he took it as given that Ruzaina and he were makwe-pakwe.
Around the time of Hari Raya that year, Mikey and Ruzaina got into a fight over whose rubber was the strongest (don't laugh). Ruzaina's eraser was black and pink striped, which she fondly named 'Si Lembut'. Mikey's eraser was of the same brand, only black and green striped, which he christened 'Robot Jox'.
What had happened was, Robot Jox had defeated Si Lembut in a 'lawan rubber'. And Ruzaina wasn't too happy about Mikey's taunting song-and-dance celebration routine, that she started poking him with her pencil. A long story short, things ended with Robot Jox delivering a flying dropkick right in Ruzaina's face, leaving her yelling between tears, "Kau bukan pakwe aku lagi!"
Back then, as far as Mikey knew, 'taknak kawan' was the father of emotional blackmail. But 'taknak jadi makwe kau' took things to a whole new level. Besides, he couldn't lose his girl to Dheena-friggin-Kumar!
Now, bear in mind, this was when it was normal for kids to expect a little extra something for every piece of crap junk food they bought. Bubblegum came with a lick-on tattoo. Tora and Ding Dang came with flimsy plastic toys and Mamee came with shiny stickers.
Now that it was Hari Raya Season, the mak cik selling junk food in front of your school gate would give you a Mamee Hari Raya Card for every packet you bought. Each card was 2x3 inches small and on the front had the Mamee Monster (who looks and talks surprisingly like the Cookie Monster) wearing a songkok.
Since the 'Maaf Zahir Batin' spirit was in the air, Mikey decided to seize the opportunity to win back Ruzaina's adoration by giving her a cheapo Mamee Monster Raya Card. After dinner that night, Mikey thought long and hard about what to write in the card.
It already said 'Maaf Zahir Batin', so half the work was done. The only thing to add was:
Back in Standard 1, the desks in Mike's classroom were all arranged in columns of 3. Mike sat at the back of the class, next to Ruzaina. Beside Ruzaina was Dhevan Kumar. Due to the boy-girl-boy seating, Ruzaina was flanked by two guys whom she would proudly proclaim as her boyfriends.
"Ni dua pakwe aku," she would tell the other girls.
For all Mikey knew, pakwe prolly meant 'bapak tua', so he took it as given that Ruzaina and he were makwe-pakwe.
Around the time of Hari Raya that year, Mikey and Ruzaina got into a fight over whose rubber was the strongest (don't laugh). Ruzaina's eraser was black and pink striped, which she fondly named 'Si Lembut'. Mikey's eraser was of the same brand, only black and green striped, which he christened 'Robot Jox'.
What had happened was, Robot Jox had defeated Si Lembut in a 'lawan rubber'. And Ruzaina wasn't too happy about Mikey's taunting song-and-dance celebration routine, that she started poking him with her pencil. A long story short, things ended with Robot Jox delivering a flying dropkick right in Ruzaina's face, leaving her yelling between tears, "Kau bukan pakwe aku lagi!"
Back then, as far as Mikey knew, 'taknak kawan' was the father of emotional blackmail. But 'taknak jadi makwe kau' took things to a whole new level. Besides, he couldn't lose his girl to Dheena-friggin-Kumar!
Now, bear in mind, this was when it was normal for kids to expect a little extra something for every piece of crap junk food they bought. Bubblegum came with a lick-on tattoo. Tora and Ding Dang came with flimsy plastic toys and Mamee came with shiny stickers.
Now that it was Hari Raya Season, the mak cik selling junk food in front of your school gate would give you a Mamee Hari Raya Card for every packet you bought. Each card was 2x3 inches small and on the front had the Mamee Monster (who looks and talks surprisingly like the Cookie Monster) wearing a songkok.
Since the 'Maaf Zahir Batin' spirit was in the air, Mikey decided to seize the opportunity to win back Ruzaina's adoration by giving her a cheapo Mamee Monster Raya Card. After dinner that night, Mikey thought long and hard about what to write in the card.
It already said 'Maaf Zahir Batin', so half the work was done. The only thing to add was:
"Saya nak jadi pakwe awak... Michael"
Ruzaina looked at Mikey. Then at the card. Then back at Mikey. Then at the card again... And she ran out of the class - Not the response Mikey was looking for.
Next thing he knew, he was sitting on the bench outside the Penyelia Petang's office chewing out his nails like they were Twisties. Inside was Puan Zaharah the Penyelia Petang, Ruzaina's parents, and Papa and Mama Stone.
"Ini bukan masalah kecil," Puan Zaharah insisted. "Pihak sekolah mesti ambik tindakan." Puan Zaharah was a T-Rex of a lady. Taller than the average woman and with osteoporosis creeping up her spine, she had a towering, lurking presence about her. She was the wicked witch of the school - for the afternoon session, at least.
Mikey had seen enough Tamil movies to know what would happen next. Whenever the village chief had a serious discussion with the parents of a boy and a girl, it means they would have to get married to make up for the mistake the boy had made and to save their families' honour.
"Please don't make me have to marry Ruzaina," Mikey said a silent prayer. "I like Julia Juremi from Satu Tanjung more."
Ruzaina's father was a stout man with a handlebar moustache. Dude was a policeman. When Mikey found out, a cry ball rose in his throat. If he didn't marry Ruzaina, he would get his sorry ass thrown in jail - Quite a dillema for someone whose biggest concern two days before was what he would be getting for his 7th birthday.
"Cikgu, they are just kids," Papa Stone said. "I don't think they understand what it means,"
"Tapi ini sudah bertulis," Puan Zaharah held up the Mamee Monster Raya Card. "Kalau lisan takpe. Skarang ni dah ada bukti bertulis. Saya sebagai wakil Guru Besar mesti ambik tindakan."
The room was silent for 3 whole seconds before Ruzaina's father cracked up. Papa Stone broke into a snicker. Both mothers couldn't help but grin. The wicked witch didn't look pleased at all.
* * *
"The last I heard from Ruzaina," Mike recalled, "She's an ustazah and engaged to a police lance corporal."
I raised an eyebrow. An ustazah?
"Yup."
Geez, bro. you sure know how to pick 'em.
I raised an eyebrow. An ustazah?
"Yup."
Geez, bro. you sure know how to pick 'em.
