There was an uneasy silence among the five sweat-drenched figures standing in a semi-circle in front of Prof Jabir. They had spent the last two hours on their feet, taking data off a steam power generator. The system occupied half the lab and had been a bitch to work with, considering that it was a hot afternoon to begin with. Nobody told the poor sods that studying Mechanical Engineering was gonna suck this bad.
The five guys looked at each other, each expecting the next guy to speak up. Finally all eyes turned to Mike.
"Aw, crap." Mike thought to himself. He was the most diplomatic of the group, and besides, even if he did get shot down, it would be okay cos he didn't really have much dignity to lose anyway.
"Uh, Professor," Mike broke the tension. "Would it be possible for us to hand in our reports tomorrow? It's going to take a few hours to do the necessary calculations and plot the graphs for an accurate report. We really wouldn't want to keep you waiting."
Prof Jabir looked at his watch with the expression of an art critic examining a painting. It was 5.15pm.
Prof Jabir was a small man - a whole head shorter than Mike and I, in fact. But what he lacked in height, he made up for with the intimidating way in which he carried himself. He was extremely brilliant and dedicated to his work - prolly picked up from eleven years of study in Japan - and he made sure everyone knew it. He was in his mid-30s and still a virgin, I'm pretty sure.
"I tell you what, Mr Stone," Prof Jabir looked up at Mike. "When I step into my office at 7.30 sharp tomorrow morning, I expect to see five lab reports of quality that's worthy of my time - ready and waiting for me."
More than once, Mike had caught himself wondering how far this man would fly if Mike dropkicked him.
* * *
"14 hours to go, bro. All the time in the world!" Shazni Hafizi was Mike's lab mate and brother from another mother. He was the quintessential Malaysian frat boy.
"And you know what's even better?" Mike said. "My seniors handed me down samples from previous years' lab reports!"
"Caya lah, Mike!" Fizi's eyes widened. "We do together. And no wasting time. Focus is the key."
But of course, since it had been a long and tedious day, they both rationalised that it was important for them to unwind first and start work after dinner. So much for 'no wasting time'.
It was 10.05pm when Mike showed up at Fizi's hostel room. No sign of the guy - must be on a park bench somewhere feeling up his girlfriend. He had left his laptop running, so Mike figured he'd do something productive with his time while waiting.
He picked up one of Fizi's plug-in game controllers and turned on Pro Evolution Soccer 2008.
* * *
"Hang main cam haram la, Mike." It was almost 11.30pm when Fizi showed up. "Aku rasa hang lawan kambing rumah nenek aku pun boleh kalah."
Fizi picked up the other controller and pulled up a chair. Mike switched the option to 2-Player mode. So much for 'focus is the key'.
"Lab report aper citer?" Mike asked, eyes still stuck on the screen.
"Alaa... 8 hours to go, bro." Fizi said, selecting his team. "All the time in the world!"
* * *
"Screw this." Mike finally said, putting down the controller. His eyeballs were numb and the muscles in his thumbs felt like they were pumping acid. Fizi strained his eyes to read the clock at the bottom of the screen.
"6 and a half hours to go, bro." Fizi quipped. "All the time in the world!"
"Screw this game and screw you," Mike got up. His ass was numb too. "I'll get started on my report first. Come get it from me at 4 o'clock."
Fizi was a black belt at plagarising without making it look like it was plagarised. So much for 'we do together'.
"Aiya, playing against the computer sucks la,"
"Then call your nenek's kambing to come play with you,"
* * *
Tyra Banks moved like a python in heat, doing her belly dance routine. She made her way towards Mike and slowly unzipped his jeans, never once breaking eye contact. As her hand boldly ventured in, there was a sound of knocking wood.
"That's odd." Tyra said.
Mike awoke. The knocking at his door got louder. In the darkness, he groped the bedside for his handphone. The LCD clock showed 5.23am. Somebody had better be dying.
He opened his room door to find Fizi standing at attention.
"Comrade Mikhail!" Fizi saluted.
"This guy's the biggest jabroni I've met in a long time," Mike tought to himself, eyes still heavy with sleep.
"Finished." Fizi held up both his report and Mike's. Mike was temporarily rendered speechless. He couldn't believe he got woken up for this.
"Oh, wow! That's just amazing! I'm so happy for you!"
"Come on, laa. Let's go slip it under Jabir's door."
"You woke me up for this? Why don't you go yourself?"
There was a pause. And Mike knew what was coming.
"Aku takut la bro." Fizi pleaded. "Even during the day I'm afraid of going near the guy's office."
Mike took a moment to confer with his Jiminy Cricket.
"I could tell this clown to bugger off and go back to my warm mattress. Tyra Banks. Belly dancing. But that means neither mine nor his report report is going to get handed in."
"However, this clown is after all my bro, and this is his darkest hour. It's my duty to stand at his side through this. It's Spartan Law!"
"Tyra can wait another half hour, I guess." Mike thought to himself as he picked up his helmet and put on his slippers. "And I need to stop watching 300 so often."
By the time Fizi's motorcycle pulled up outside the Faculty of Mechanical Engineering, Mike was kicking himself for not putting on a sweater. The early morning air was moist and freezing cold, his lungs felt heavy when he inhaled.
The entire building was pitch dark inside. You can make fun of Asian horror movies all you want, but put in a situation like that, you catch your mind mentally bracing yourself in case you see a pale girl with long black hair levitating in the long windowless corridor ahead.
Mike and Fizi whipped out their handphones to light their way. As they made their way to the stairway that leads up to the lecturers' offices, Fizi asked: "Mike, you know Kak Fira, the admin clerk?"
"Who doesn't?" Fira was a demure looking kampung girl who wore the kebaya in such a way that it let your imagination do the work. Definately a head turner.
"Late one evening," Fizi said, "She got assaulted by a hantu pochong on this very stairway."
Mike closed his eyes. Warm mattress... Tyra Banks... Belly dancing...
